Tuesday, September 29, 2009
FINALLY....we brought Samantha home yesterday after arguing with the doctors, as they wanted to keep her because of her weight problem (failure to thrive)....she is (according to them) 10 to 11 pounds under weight....We wanted to bring her home, as we felt that being in her own home environment would help her to be comfortable and she would gain weight....at the hospital, she was stressed, constantly being poked and prodded, woken every 2 to 3 hours in the hospital at night...who could rest, heal and get better and gain weight under that stress? Her oxygen level before the surgery was 72 when calm and 60ish when upset...right after the surgery her oxygen level was 84 when calm and 77 when upset...they have now dropped down to 77 when calm and high 60s when upset....when I asked if that meant the surgery wasn't working, everyone gave us the run around and not a direct answer.....we were told we would have to wait until she had the catherization in a few weeks....how fustrating.... Then they tell us that we are doing all of this (which is not a permanent fix) so that she can live to be 10 - 15 years old..... I keep questioning if we are putting her through all this hell, just so we can have her for 10-15 years...how selfish are we???? Then other days I wake up and say we are doing this because she deserves a chance and who knows in 10 to 15 years what medical discovery they could make and that they could come up with something to help her live to 80 - 90 years old.... It feels like I am always questioning our decisions, questioning myself every day.... My daughter's first words were "da da" and at the hospital she said her second words...."ow". Isn't that just great?? and that is said with much sarcasim....my little girl's second word was "ow" as she was crying in pain and looking at her daddy saying"da da ow ow".....she wanted her father to help her to stop hurting..... This just freaking sucks.... But I am so glad to be home...
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I'm so glad you pushed for getting Samantha home. I think it's so true that it's almost impossible for babies to really thrive in a hospital setting because of all the loss of sleep and trauma, etc. I'm so happy that she is home with you where she belongs!
ReplyDeleteYou are doing what any parent would do by doing everything possible to give your daughter life. Like you said, who knows what another 10 years will bring in the world of science? Think of how far things have come in just the past 10 years. It is amazing how quickly science can advance.
Give her the love she needs and have faith in your doctors and beyond that there isn't much you can do. Enjoy your little girl! And enjoy HOME!! xo
i would want to be home too! the hospital is so stressful - my heart is just aching for you and the hard decisions you are having to make. just remember that samantha is so lucky to have you as parents - that you are doing the very best you can and doing everything you know how for her. what a lucky little girl that has such loving parents and of course how lucky you are to have this sweet little girl and her sweet spirit. there is something extra special about these kids with health issues. their strength and trusting, sweet spirits is something to be admired. don't be too hard on yourself. you're doing a good job. love up on that little girl now that you don't have to share her with all those doctors! we'll check back....
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